The Incredible Switcharoo Bucket Hat Debut

Sweater Grrrl

I am so freaking excited.

I have been crazy busy- it’s like my need for knitting had gone dormant or something. I just haven’t had the time to sit and do it- even on my lunch breaks, I have been running home to check on my poor wounded doggie (to make sure he’s not ripping his stitches out or eating the weed whacker while he’s cooped up in the garage). I was planning on knitting on the trip to D-Land, but it was pitch black in the car both ways. Evenings, exercise or social stuff has kept me away from the house, so I just haven’t had an opportunity to knit much.

Anyway- on one of those social outings, Angela and I randomly went to Fashion Fair Mall. I hate the mall, and I haven’t been there since it was redecorated (I think that happened about two years ago). However, I needed to go to the Disney store to get my D-land ticket. (Wasted trip-evidently, they don’t have 1-day park hopper tickets at the Disney store. Word to your mother.) So since we were IN the mall anyway, we decided to check out one store, and there I saw...a hat.

I am not a hat person. Hats do not like me. I have a round face, a short neck, and completely out of control hair that frizzes out beneath any restraining headgear in a skanky metal chick kind of a way. Not attractive.

“Try a beret”, you say?

I’m sorry, but Ms. Monica Lewinsky screwed that one up for me royally. As another zaftig blue-eyed brunette, I get enough freaky weird comments from guys. I don’t want to enhance any kind of resemblance to the woman. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a compliment- she’s an attractive person.

However, the people who comment on the resemblance inevitably start off with, “Now don’t take this the wrong way…but has anyone ever told you that you look like Monica Lewinsky?” Then they leer at me like I just might have a fully stocked humidor and some kneepads in my purse. One guy actually pulled a picture of Monica out of his WALLET to double check. What the hell is that?! Can anyone here say ICK- what kind of freak-ass weirdo carries a pic of Monica Lewinsky around with him?!

So yeah. Berets are out. And I look great in cowboy hats, but- I am just not country. No, not even a little bit. Don’t even try to talk me into it.

So anyway, I finally found a non-cowboy hat that actually looked good on me. It was a black faux-fur deal- a nice “bucket” shape with a flare around the face. It was on clearance. There were also turquoise and pink hats that were similar, but were just a bit too small for my big huge head. I figured I would just go ahead and knit something myself that would work.

When I got home, I started looking for bucket hat patterns. Hello, gi-normous snag! Evidently, there aren’t any good bucket hat patterns online. I found a few that might work with major tweaking, but there was a charge for them. Oy. If I am going to pay $ for a pattern, it better be dead-on what I want to make.

After some deliberation, I arrived at the conclusion that I would just have to make my own pattern. I pulled out the new hat that I bought, and just went to town using it as a guide.

As serendipity would have it, I was trying to make a hat with 6 panels, and I didn’t knit a swatch. (I know, I know- shame on me). 4 panels ended up working better for those of us who are not the Jolly Green Giant. So I have two panels left over- but the finished hat is so very PERFECT. I can’t even believe it.

I did it all in garter stitch, using Jiffy Thick & Quick on size 15 needles. The hat holds its shape beautifully, due to the weight of the yarn and the creative seaming, and it needs only minimal blocking. You can cheat the angle of the brim to flatter your face, or even roll the brim back in a jaunty manner. You can also flip the hat inside out and wear it with the seams showing if you want to look a little bit rock n’ roll. I think I am also going to knit some flowers to pin on there, so I can sass it up when I am in the mood.

So, suddenly, my interest in knitting has been magically revived. It’s all I want to do right now- unfortunately, I have to actually do work. But I am going to Knitting Meetup tonight- hopefully, there will be a good showing! And I will be wearing the new hat. (Pics to be posted tonight…)